Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Excuse Me.....Is This Thing On???

I must admit that this is a little intimidating. I've often thought about blogging and what I may or may not write about. But I never seriously contemplated actually doing it. I mean seriously, writing was never what I would have called a "forte" during my academic career and this is writing to the power of x. So here I am, after a little subtle coercion from Sissy and Lupus (Napster) typing out a nickel bag’s worth of blog material. A sort of test drive if you will......... Where to start...Well, I guess that you should know that my "ranting" and "raving” description is probably a little overblown. Sissy/Mo/Napster have all heard me fire some serious shots but for the most part I would describe myself as the consummate smartass. I’m sure the gals and quite a few unnamed others would attest to this fact. With that said, I’d like to address my handle, or screen name, or whatever you call it. I think Angry Cock or Fighting Cock is probably a misnomer. While it’s true that Gamecocks are genetically predisposed to beating the crap out of one another (they will fight to the death…no shite) and I quite often have to suppress the urge to choke the living crap out of some dipstick. It’s probably best to go another route. I was thinking “Spurs”. It goes with the Cowboy theme and Fighting Cocks wear them as an offensive weapon. Cool? I’d like to skip the obligatory “about” portion and fire off a few things I believe to be true and see what you guys think?
  • Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
  • “Heartbeat” by Don Johnson is not the worst song of all time. It is in fact “Party All the Time” by Eddie Murphy. With a close second going to anything by Richard Marx.
  • Women should have the right to choose.
  • Death Penalty-Pro. The whole Justice system can really get me lathered up, FYI.
  • There should be a separation of Church and State. At one point the Pledge of Allegiance stated “…..one Nation, Indivisible with Liberty and Justice for All.” Guess what’s missing?
  • If I want to own a gun, and have not committed a felony, then leave me the hell alone. If I want a gun that fires 300 rpm see previous statement and replace hell with fuck. What Amendment was that…..
  • Lubbock shall not be referred to as “Kill Me Texas”. From now on, it shall be know as “The Land That Time Forgot” or “Place of a Million Churches”.
  • I hate cell phones!! And guess what else?? I particularly hate being forced to listen to a conversation when I’m eating, drinking, watching a movie, shopping, standing in line after shopping and pretty much any other time I’m in public. If you look around when you’re driving or just out in general, I’ll bet 7 in 10 folks you see are on the damn phone. Nobody is that important, excluding W.
  • I could care less if gays and lesbians got married. As long as they pay taxes and have to jump through the same hoops to get a divorce, good luck to em’.
  • 80’s Hair Metal R-O-C-K-S!!!!!!!
  • Don’t burn my flag or a disagreement will ensue. Mostly with my foot in your ass…..
  • There should be a Constitutional Amendment outlawing Artificial Turf and The Designated Hitter.
  • Excluding Florida, College Sports are better in the South.
  • If there’s anything that smells better than Barbeque on the grill, Chili on the stove, Bacon in a pan, hotdogs at a ball field and fresh cut grass, I’d like to know.
  • O.J. did it. Hell, even the brothers know this was a mulligan for the whole Rodney King incident.
  • The size of your car should be inversely proportional to your age. Nothing scares me worse than looking over at the on-ramp and seeing some little old lady in a 92’ Lincoln attempting to merge. All you can see are those little arms at the top of the steering wheel and a glimpse of the top of their head…….
  • Kids should have to spend more time outside.
  • Speaking of kids, spanking is allowed. I can’t tell you how many times my brother (younger) and I got our butts whipped. And you know what; with the exception of 1 BB-Gun incident (I was framed) I probably deserved them all.
  • Adult ADD!! Give me a break!! We as a society are overmedicated and over diagnosed.
  • There is a cure for AIDS but it’s more profitable to treat than to cure.
  • Repeat after me, Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery. No wiggle room on this one folks.
  • I say “Please” and “Thank You”. It’s just the right thing to do. Plus Mom and Dad would bust my ass if I didn’t.
  • I open doors for women. Not that you guys can’t open the door for yourselves, it’s just nice is all.
  • Work to live not vice versa. The company really doesn’t give two shits about you in the grand scheme of things……They do however care about EBITDA. See below.
  • EBITDA is an acronym created by Warren Buffett to cover up the fact that a company can generate a ton of cash and still show no profit. Hmmmm…….no wonder companies love this metric, it’s all BS.

Whew!! That did feel pretty good. Don’t forget to tip your waitress and bartender; they’re working hard for ya’.